“DO YOU TRUST ME?”

Years ago, on a random Tuesday in May, I found myself driving home from San Diego, right at golden hour. The road was calm, the sky was clear, and as I drove around the bend, a massive ray of sunlight cut through the canyon.

It was one of those moments that felt like God orchestrated an entire show, just for me, and this one made me misty.

I wanted it to last an eternity - every part of it - the sensation, the image, my awareness of God in that moment. There was something else… it felt like I had unusual, undivided attention from God.

Even though that’s always the case, this felt different.

The next thought I had was about the 11.11 guy (I think this is how I’ll refer to him from now on, so go read that post if you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

And once again, I was wobbling in the connection. I was so concerned with choosing wrong or missing a red flag.

If you haven’t already gathered, the area of my life that has pushed my spiritual growth more than any other is my love life. My issue has never been overlooking red flags, but instead, using any excuse to avoid a relationship.

At this point, I was hardcore avoiding the relationship and we weren’t seeing each other or talking at all really.

✨Dear God please restore me to sanity✨

As I drove, I shared my concerns with God and I explained how I was scared I would “misinterpret the guidance” or not hear God correctly and make a serious mistake. Was I wasting my time? Was I being foolish? Was what God told me about the relationship before, still true?

In my mind, a clear, loud voice asked “do you trust me?”

Now, big fat tears started rolling down my cheeks.

I drove for miles in silence as I contemplated my distrust in the creator of the universe.

Eventually I answered “I really, really want to.”

By the time I got home, I was already questioning the experience I had in the car. Did I make all of that up? Is this all just wishful thinking? Did I just imagine it?

The following evening, I was sitting at my dining room table putting together a puzzle when my phone buzzed.

It was him.

He wanted to see me and asked when I was available.

I couldn’t believe it… not because him reaching out was shocking, but because of the timing. Things were completely stalled out until that interaction with God on the drive home.

As I always say, faith in God comes with expedited shipping.

And it’s not like I even had that much faith.

Maybe just a mustard seed, hehe.

Oh, and yes, we saw each other a few days later. It was wonderful, as always.

I know you all love the tea but let’s get back to my point here… your inner world, your imagination, however you experience it, holds a shocking degree of intelligence.

Your deepest desires.
Your highest truth.
Your greatest point of resistance.
Your unique instructions from your higher power.
Your bullshit stories.
Your most needed answers.
Your next inspiration.

All of it.

Can you imagine if I didn’t take that voice seriously, or completely discredited it because it was just my imagination? A miracle would have passed me by and I wouldn’t have noticed! I would have missed the part where God followed through on fulfilling a promise. I would have missed out on exercising a small degree of faith, and watching the mountains being moved.

It’s not about believing every little thing your imagination cooks up, it’s about knowing how to use it, for what, when, in its fullest capacity.