THE PRINCESS AND THE QUEEN
Last year I created an archetype glossary for one of my programs and it was a massive undertaking… I wrote about dozens of archetypes in order to help people understand what they naturally need in order to thrive and identify what essence(s) they would like to experience and embody more of.
Some archetypes come naturally to us, and I consider these to be our natural resting places. The archetypes that come most naturally to us also hold codes about what allows us to thrive and how our shadow presents itself. When your shadow flares up, that’s a good sign you’ve been making choices that are way out of alignment and are lacking key nutrients in your life.
Sometime last year Sammi and I were having a conversation about business and I noticed that she was talking like she needed to build an empire, but it felt… off. Like the music didn’t match the lyrics.
So I sent her my princess archetype description and she freaked out! She was so excited by how much it resonated and made sense for her. She told me it was a massive permission slip to live differently and prioritize things that some would consider unconventional.
The thing about princesses is when they deny their genuine values and priorities, they’ll end up losing their sparkle and are just a cog in the metaphorical machine.
Conversely, if a queen tries to adopt the values and priorities of a princess, she will be bored out of her mind! She might get cranky, nit pick irrelevant things, and honestly it can get pretty depressing. Queens that don’t have something to rule become miserable.
Now, before I share my archetype descriptions I want to make it clear that some of you reading this will not resonate with either, meaning, neither will be natural to you and neither one holds codes about what is required for you to thrive. Remember, my archetype glossary is extensive and has dozens of archetypes - this is just two of them.
The main reason why I’m sharing these two with you is for a few reasons:
The princess and the queen are by far the most frequently discussed… but it’s usually in the context of princesses “need to evolve into queens” which I completely disagree with.
Sammi wrote an article on this the other day and mentioned me which has created an influx of followers and website traffic - this is my thank you gift! She has also found my archetype glossary to be profoundly helpful, so this is a little taste.
For those of you who are either princesses or queens, my hope is that this can help you identify what you genuinely need to live your best life!
PS: I would love to hear your reflections and questions in the comment section if you feel called to share!
Okay let’s dive in…
THE PRINCESS
Core need: to be provided for
Gift: expert level receptivity
The princess is the expert in all things receiving and being provided for. She has a light heart, prioritizes fun, and feels inherently deserving of good things (sans the effort and hard work). At their best, princesses are relaxed, easy to be around, and nothing is ever a “big deal.” With a natural, strong expectation, princesses are capable of allowing solutions quickly and magnetizing lots of supportive people.
“It’s not that deep, I always get my needs met, so let’s have a good time!” Getting her needs met with total expectation and ease is the signature essence of the princess. The magic of this archetype comes from her ability to evoke provisions from people and the world around her.
If you are needing to lighten up, have more fun, and get better at receiving support - this might be just what the doctor ordered. I frequently prescribe this archetype for women who are burnt out, resentful about not being taken care of, or wanting to have more fun in life. The princess is the antidote to bitterness and a lack of receptivity.
Full transparency, this is one of the most triggering archetypes, specifically for women. The princess often gets buried in the shadow self of female psyche and so the princess archetype, or encountering natural princesses in the wild can evoke a disgust response, or straight up persecution. Even though many women actually do want to be swept off their feet, provided for, and be pampered beyond belief… much of the time this is an edge women resist exploring and it remains a secret, unfulfilled desire until they allow themselves to explore sacred neediness.
SHADOW: The shadow aspects of the princess show up as extreme dependency on others and general incompetence. Think: the damsel in distress who’s unable to help herself without the presence of a rescuer (Daddy, Prince Charming, etc.) For people who have the princess as their natural core, they will often grow up in environments that handicap them in terms of their ability to care for themselves, leaving them in chronic need of rescuing. Without some maturing and adversity under their belts, princesses end up coming across as dumb, helpless, or developmentally stunted. Contrary to popular belief, princesses are so good at receiving, the shadow of entitlement doesn’t have a chance to present itself.
IN POP CULTURE: Holly Golightly (Breakfast at Tiffany’s), The Princess and the Pea, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
THE QUEEN
Core need: a kingdom to rule (big, aligned responsibilities)
Gift: commanding respect and evoking the best from others
Queens are born to rule, and this archetype absolutely demands that they command authority over a “kingdom” of some sort (even if their chosen kingdom is a household). Natural queens are magnets for intense degrees of responsibility and make fantastic leaders. Typically they start off resenting the mountain of responsibility they’re given early on… but at a certain point, queens have to deliberately choose to take on massive amounts of responsibility, or they will whither under the frustration of responsibilities that don’t contribute to a grander vision. The irony of it all? Queens thrive when they take on more, so long as it’s aligned. Natural queens actually fair better when they have a lot on their plate than when they have too much “play time.”
People desire to rise to the queen’s expectations, and at her best, she evokes the best in others. She inspires greatness, commands rooms, and heaven and earth submit to her will.
If you manage to make it past her military, crocodile infested motes, and castle walls, queens are unbelievably loyal and loving to the few who earn it.
PRESCRIPTION: the queen is an excellent archetype to work with if you’re wanting to feel more empowered, command authority or respect in any area, develop feminine leadership qualities, professional development (getting promotions, growing a business), or evoke more power and devotion from people in your life.
SHADOW: It’s important to know that natural queens are notoriously isolated and often have a deep betrayal wound - if you have had lots of friends your entire life, you are not a natural queen. At their worst, queens will distrust people so intensely they can wind up holed up in their metaphorical tower and “go mad” from lack of intimacy and connection. Other shadow aspects of the queen archetype: cruelty, being punishing, self destructive to “make a point,” avoidance, and general misery. Without developing intimacy, likability, emotional repair, and connection, queens can end up so miserable they suck the oxygen out of every room they set foot in. This is easily one of the most unlikeable archetypes in the shadow expression.
IN POP CULTURE: Miranda Priestley (The Devil Wears Prada), Cersei Lanister (Game of Thrones), Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland), Jan (The Office)