CLARITY WEEK (APEX: WEEK 4)
(clarity week)
Right around week 4 or 5 is when things can start to get a little fussy… it’s often the biggest growth spurt, and I find that this is the time when most internal and external pieces begin shifting significantly. This isn’t always the case, but it’s common.
During the previous round, I moved a week and a half into APEX, which is absolutely brutal on my nervous system more so than the average person. By week 4, I was in the throws of a major depression that sent me running into the arms of God once again (I’m getting emotional thinking about it now). It’s important to note that my intention last time was to “deepen my relationship with God” *eye roll* - I definitely did NOT need to do that.
Needless to say, I got what I asked for. My spiritual practice changed a lot, as did my listening.
This time, my intention was to play full out as much as possible, specifically with my work - I didn’t know exactly how that would present itself, but I was willing to take it day by day. One of my work-related intentions was to write 1,000 words per day (on average) even if I don’t publish it and I suspect I’ve greatly exceeded that. By day 22, I filled up over 100 pages in my journal, and that doesn’t even include work related writing.
During the Slut Magic launch, I found myself getting annoyed with my own lack of brand cohesion, an issue that never bothered me previously. I no longer liked the feeling of creative and visual whiplash that would happen with every seasonal shift. It was as if every time I launched something, it didn’t feel quite like my essence.
This was further illustrated when I started posting re-contextualized porn memes (which I had a blast making by the way), and someone left a comment saying “what the fuck is this garbage?” and while I am well aware that it’s a highly polarizing program, the bigger issue was the lack of recognition. I wasn’t bothered by her being upset at my inappropriate meme… I was frustrated that people didn’t know it was me.
I was a random account to this person!
About half way through this week, I woke up and knew it was time to lock in my branding.
This is significant coming from a commitment-phobe… Over the past 6.5 years of building my business, I never felt like branding was a worthwhile use of energy considering my work was changing so quickly. To me, the effort and commitment required to establish a brand is the equivalent of getting hitched… so you better believe I was going to take my time dating.
Over the years, I played with different “vibes,” ran lots of experiments, honed my craft, really dug into the focal points of my purpose and passion, got clear on my mission… and I’m happy to announce that I feel soooooo dialed in and laser focused. Like I’ve shifted from bachelorette to happily married housewife. I also have something very exciting coming soon that will seamlessly blend in with all my recent branding decisions, it’s as if my entire life has been leading up to this culmination of my work… but for now, you’ll have to endure the tease hehe.
For me, branding needed to follow a clear vision and refined purpose. Now, it feels like I’m settled into something that will stand the test of time (just don’t ask me about fonts for the love of God.)
SIDE NOTE: I’m a big believer in picking the low hanging fruit first. There really is no need to spend 10,000 years overthinking branding you might change in 5 minutes. (Or worse, if you spend too much time and energy on something and then struggle letting it evolve or letting it die). To me, right next steps always make themselves evident.
I DITCHED ALL MY SHORT TERM GOALS
One of the most notable things that happened this week was the realization that my short term goals are getting in the way of my big vision, and ironically enough, I concluded this was slowing me down.
Decisions made for short term goals are very different from decisions that are made for long term vision, and when your focus is short term only… the Universe reflects short term only (and this also can energetically perpetuate the presence of problems but that’s a conversation for a different day). I didn’t really have awareness about how much I was doing this, but I realized it was stunting situations in multiple areas of my life in the name of short term “comfort.”
TO BE CLEAR, some people do great with short term goals and respond well to that kind of pressure! I am not one of those people. It’s important to know yourself and what you respond well to. Personally, my big dreams don’t do well being suffocated in the short term.
So… I decided to ditch the idea of short term goals completely… even annual goals are a distraction at this point. The time piece really shouldn’t be considered unless you can use it constructively, as it can disrupt your state now - and now is what creates your experience of “later” anyway.
I’ll let you know how this experiment goes.
MY LATEST OBSESSION: CONCEPT ART
With my recent branding revelation also came an unexpected obsession: concept art.
I’m not sure if any of you can relate to this, but I draw far more inspiration from the manmade “world” than the natural world. I mean sure, the half dome in Yosemite surely has a great view… but it doesn’t give me that ✨magic✨ feeling. I’m not going to get much inspiration by going to Bryce Canyon and looking at rocks all day.
…but you take me to Las Vegas? Suddenly I’m FLOODED with inspiration.
Kinzie Madsen (a fellow creator I follow online) refers to this as “fake towns,” and she’s also a fan. Places like Palm Springs, Disneyland, Las Vegas… you know… FAKE TOWNS. Overly curated environments. Literally everything from the horizon to the scent of the air you breathe is a curated experience.
AND I LOVE IT!
Perhaps it’s my Venus in Aquarius, but there’s something about the otherworldly, overly-curated, so-magical-it-can’t-be-real essence that really stimulates me.
Which leads me to this… Disney animation classic concept art:
Many of you know how active my imagination is, and if you’re in Astral Playground you’ve definitely experienced it for yourself.
But for whatever reason, concept art activates lots of my daydreams. Not necessarily scenes I imagine will happen in my life, but a feeling I desire to capture. Like a feeling of physical places I haven’t been to, but I know exist in some capacity essence wise. Or experiences that share that same essence.
This wave of inspiration got me really excited to re-watch Disney classics from my current perspective. I fully plan on watching them once I break my fast just to see what else it stirs up. Can you really go wrong with the sensation of more magic in your life?
Anyway, the point is, still art and concept art has unexpectedly been a massive source of manifestation inspiration for me. We all know that when you embody the sensation of it, compatible experiences will materialize on the heels of it.
So let this be a reminder to pay close attention to the things that activate sensations you want more of in your life. Seek them out, often (even if it is a bunch of rocks hehe).
THE NEXT ROUND OF APEX STARTS APRIL 2023
Learn more below.