TRANSFORMING YOUR BODY IS LIKE SAILING
I was recently contemplating all the different experiences I’ve had transforming my body, and it dawned on me that I’ve been doing this a lot longer than I realized.
And I know many of you have been curious what I’ve been up to body modification wise, so I have some stories for you…
I often refer to my adolescence as “the dark ages” because it truly was the darkest period of my life. Without sharing all the gory details, I’ll just say, that period of my life was extremely hard on my body, and there were quite a few factors that caused me to put on weight.
By the time I was 16, there was so much turmoil going on, that I really didn’t give my body a second thought… Until one day after Thanksgiving, I saw a photo of myself and thought “I look… big.”
Now, I want to pause here to really highlight my frame of mind at the time because I think it will be helpful. When I saw the photo of myself, I was not cruel or mean about it, nor did I feel any disgust. It felt more like I was acknowledging that this version of my body simply wasn’t my preference.
When people talk about “body neutrality,” many of them confuse neutrality for a lack of preference, as if desiring something to be different physically is a psychological crime.
I completely reject this idea.
Of course I’m biased, but I see myself as having achieved genuine body neutrality.
Here’s how it feels to me: preferring your body to take on a different form is completely fine and normal, but this acknowledgment should never ever ever ever ever be abusive or mean. Your body going through different seasons or fluctuations is perfectly normal, and does not feel like the end of the world. It feels like consistently being loving, having fun with preferences, and also enjoying your physical canvas! Being able to shape shift is a super fun part of being human. Nothing is ever “wrong” or bad, the whole process gets to be enjoyable.
The best way I can describe my version of body neutrality is, it feels like sailing in really good weather every day. If there’s a little gust of wind, just adjust your sails a bit. If you fall a little off course, gently get back on it. Little tweaks and adjustments are always being made, but we’re still having fun sailing.
No big deal, we’re just cruisin’.
People with a distorted relationship to their body approach body modification with franticness and a nasty attitude, as if they’re sailing in extremely harsh conditions.
“HURRY, HURRY DO WHATEVER WILL WORK FAST! IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD! HURRY UP YOU STUPID BODY!”
🙄😒
And we wonder why crash diets and binging is such a common pattern. Most people are fucking mean to themselves and completely forget that this is a permanent, ongoing relationship, and your body isn’t a static object.
Recently I spoke to one of my friends who was telling me she was afraid to have a baby because SHE NEEDS TO HURRY UP AND GET RID OF HER POSTPARTUM BODY AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.
Yikes.
Imagine… your body does the coolest thing ever, and your immediate reaction is hostility, disgust, and punishment.
Is grace, gentleness, or appreciation in the room with us?
Look, if you can’t manage to be nice to yourself for 5 minutes, I promise your dream body certainly isn’t going to fix that.
Anyway, let’s get back to my story…
After I saw that photo, I knew for sure that something better was possible for me, and my body had way more potential.
So I decided I was going to be hot.
I made a couple simple adjustments to my diet, and started doing a little cardio (30ish minutes) 5 days per week.
In no time, the weight completely melted off.
No biggie.
Now here’s the interesting part, I personally did not feel like my transformation was a big deal, but other people did.
It wasn’t until years later that one of my relatives told me, “…and it’s amazing how you lost all that weight and have completely kept it off for all these years!”
But the thing is, I didn’t see any of this as amazing or drastic or even remotely challenging.
It was nothing more than adjusting my sails in nice, breezy weather.
Even though all of this happened many years before I started taking an energetic approach to body modification, looking back on that experience today, the one thing I naturally understood was the mental game.
Body modification should not be dramatic or emotionally charged, or you’ll give it an abnormally inflated importance which makes it more difficult to control.
If there’s one thing I know for sure about body modification, it’s that when you ditch the ridiculous praise and punishment game, your physical body becomes putty, and you can shape it however you want.
On the other hand, if you’re emotionally tangled up in feeling really good and praising yourself when your body looks one particular way… you’re screwed. You’ll end up emotionally destabilized by any minor fluctuation, and you’ll become discouraged, or worse, punishing in moments when your body doesn’t look how you want it to.
When you don’t praise or punish, you’ll stay in full control the entire time.
If you’re new here, perhaps you think all of this was just a fluke, or maybe I just had an easy time losing all that weight because I was young, maybe none of this had to do with body modification at all and it was nothing more than thermodynamics!
But I am not finished with my stories.
Let’s fast forward to 2017…
In October of that year I ran into one of the biggest mental health crises of my life. Old traumas came to the surface and wreaked havoc on my body.
I started stress vomiting and was unable to keep food down.
I lost 30 pounds that I didn’t have to lose.
All my curves vanished and I looked “sick.”
Once again, I had so many other priorities, I wasn’t really giving my body a second thought. Focusing on aesthetics at that point would have felt like a luxury.
Over the next 3 years, gaining weight back wasn’t happening…
And then, toward the end of 2020… I saw a photo of myself that frightened me.
When I showed my best friend the photo, she gasped at how scary it was. That was also around that time that I started blowing up on TikTok, and those videos are so hard to look at now.
I was skeletal.
You could clearly see how difficult the past few years had been, and my body took on that shape. And so, as always, new preferences emerged, but I didn’t really begin applying myself until summer/fall of 2021.
That was when it dawned on me… I was like, if people can have spontaneous remissions, and energetically heal (like all those people who do Joe Dispenza’s work) then there’s no reason I can’t do the same thing for cosmetic reasons!
One of the things I missed the most after the unexpected weight loss was my curves - it seemed like my ass and titties vanished overnight! That’s when I started experimenting, testing, trying, and figuring out the energetic side of body modification.
I asked myself… since I can be, do, and have whatever I want, what do I want body modification wise?
Personally, boobs were at the top of my list, but I didn’t just want to get back what I lost, I wanted to go BIG.
I already knew that I would never get breast implants since I’m allergic to that medical silicone they use for contact lenses - the risk from breast implants dramatically outweighed the benefits for me. Fat transfers also never appealed to me since you don’t retain all the tissue that gets transferred - some people don’t even go up a cup size! I don’t like taking bad bets with minimal upside.
Energetics on the other hand… zero risk, all upside!
Over the coming months, as I experimented, I wanted undeniable proof that the breast growth was not just a result of weight gain.
From January - March of 2022 I did gain my healthy, normal weight back, and then my weight plateaued after that. All my clothes fit as usual, and this is the most important part, my bra band size stayed the same.
My boobs grew during that time as expected, but I wanted to rule out weight gain as the primary cause… I wanted shocking, undeniable growth - proof that my practices were working.
In May, I posted a photo of myself and some people on Instagram started speculating if I got my boobs done. I received quite a few DMs from people saying they speculated because it was extremely noticeable, but I was never absent from social media and showed no signs of surgery (like drains, bandages, compression garments, etc.)
Au naturel baby!
In June, I started getting the “ummmm am I wrong or are they bigger?” text messages.
In July, I asked a long term sexual partner to be brutally honest with me and tell me if I really was experiencing targeted boob growth, or if I just gained a bunch of weight (he’s not one to sugar coat things). Needless to say, he did confirm that it was definitely targeted growth. I also asked him if they were bigger at any point in the past and I just don’t remember. He insisted “NO! Sydney, I would remember this!” (I really, really wanted to make sure that the growth was real and that what I was doing was working. I consistently took measurements and also monitored how my clothes fit to ensure it wasn’t general weight gain.) And no, I was not and am not taking any birth control or medication that would cause this.
Despite all the growth, I still didn’t stop!
By October, I had grown out of all my bras and was officially in the biggest size I had ever been in, with no change to my band measurement, only the cup size changed.
After everyone started DMing me about it in May, the comments continued throughout the Summer and I did let people know that all the changes were 100% intentional, and purely done with energetics.
That was also the month when I first launched Slut Magic! I spent over a year experimenting and refining my practices, pouring everything I knew into that program.
It was a smashing success, and people LOVE that program for a good reason!
By May of 2023, I grew another 2 inches just on my bust - this time I wasn’t even trying, I was just riding the momentum of my own expectations. Once again I replaced my bras… and outgrew them again.
Progress photos are getting more complicated to share, but I still get DMs from people that just say “they’re bigger.” STILL, and it’s 2025!
And yes, my friends have asked me when I plan on stopping.
Honestly I can’t answer that question because I’m having too much fun with this.
Okay okay I think I proved my point with this one. Let me tell you the next story…
2024 was extremely rough on my body. Not only was I under a lot of stress, but I had undiagnosed Raynaud’s disease where my toes would turn so purple they looked frostbitten.
Eventually it got so bad, ulcers appeared all over my toes and the tops of my feet. Wearing shoes was excruciating, and were… well… that just felt like a crime against humanity.
Obviously this seriously impacted my ability to exercise, which in turn, impacted my mental health and overall wellbeing. This went on for months before I finally got a solution, and by then, it had already taken, what felt like, a huge toll on me.
Toward the end of the year, when I was no longer in a jacked up, stressed out, preoccupied state, I realized I wasn’t feeling like myself, physically. I was feeling kind of self conscious, which is not like me at all. I didn’t have much energy, I felt out of shape, I didn’t feel as sexy and magnetic as usual… it kind of felt like 2024 really dampened my magic and I was once again “wearing” the aftermath.
I didn’t look like myself.
To be clear, I don’t think these cycles are at all necessary for people to go through, but hey! At least this gives me the opportunity to demonstrate my body of work and develop more stuff for Slut Magic.
Around the new year, while doing typical new year intention setting, I made a very clear decision to prioritize my body, not just aesthetically but how I feel, my energy levels, how I take care of myself… the whole nine.
At first, I was just getting back into the swing of things and building momentum. I was less motivated by aesthetics, and was primarily aiming to feel better… which, I accomplished very quickly.
Here’s the crazy part.
When I did turn my attention to aesthetics, the changes happened fast. As in, I was blown away within 2 weeks. (I was also taking photos of myself every day to see the progress.)
If there was any fleck of doubt or skepticism within me before, it’s gone now. Because it keeps working, and it keeps being easy, and it keeps feeling like adjusting my sails on a beautiful day.
I think the reason why I love teaching body modification so much is because so many people agonize over it, and I firmly believe this gets to feel 10000x better and be a million times easier.
Man… if I had to struggle and strain and force myself to do a bunch of unpleasant things just to create physical changes, frankly, I don’t think I would do them!
If anything body related feels difficult or plateaued, you already know I’m going to suggest addressing the energetics and mindset around it.
It is what you say it is… if you say it’s hard, it will be.
If you say your metabolism is slow, it will be.
If you say it’s not working, it won’t.
I think body modification is particularly easy for me is because:
I’m emotionally neutral. Even if something isn’t ideal it’s not the end of the world. I just adjust my sails and the results quickly follow.
I don’t praise or punish myself for how my body looks. All of this is just for enjoyment and expression.
I don’t force myself to do shit I hate, I trust the smallest adjustments have massive effects.
My “dream body” doesn’t feel like high stakes, it’s more like “ooooh fun! Let’s do it!”
I have a long term strategy, so I’m not enchanted by short term goals, crash diets, or any type of abusive/extreme behavior.
Ugh, gosh I feel like I could write a million of these! If you have any questions, please send them to me or drop them in the comments because I have endless things to say about this.
By the way, I want to remind you that I’m still creating a custom, body modification protocol for the next 3 people who pay in full for Slut Magic this week, hehe.
Aaaaand, the next module we have coming up is all about my approach to exercise (the energetic side of things.) I’ve been cookin’ up this bad boy for over a year and I can’t wait to deliver it!
I’ll see you inside!