MY BODY MODIFICATION PHILOSOPHY
Last week I shared the following post on social media and I wanted to use a longer format to expand on this more fully:
My philosophy on body modification can be broken down into two main parts:
1) Your physical body is your CHOSEN canvas to sculpt, adorn, and express whatever you’d like in this lifetime. 🎨
If we didn’t want the ability to change our body, style, and physique, then we wouldn’t have chosen to be human. I firmly believe that your body is a canvas that provides an opportunity to play with expression (among other things). The desire to emit radiance/beauty/strength/vitality and whatever else through the body is natural and normal.
I do not agree with the body positivity movement about abandoning the desire to be beautiful in favor of neutrality. Good luck with that.
EXPANDED:
Humans love to evolve and express, and our physical bodies are just one medium of our inevitable expansion.
We love discovering and experiencing things that have never been seen or done before… that includes unexplored territory with the physical body. Think: the 4 minute mile, spontaneous remissions, my breast growth (despite the fact that it’s not considered possible outside of puberty, pregnancy, or weight gain).
DAVID GOGGINS! This man has built an entire career on proving the body is more capable than the mind perceives. Now, his approach isn’t in alignment with the lifestyle I personally choose to cultivate, but you get the idea. He’s exploring uncharted territory of the physical body. His body and mind are the primary territories in which he pushes the most extreme limits.
While science has an obsession with limits and statistics, our souls experience suffocation around these things. Just feel how soul crushing these statements are:
There’s a 10% chance it will work.
You will never recover.
That’s not possible.
We’re out of options.
You won’t experience that version of your body again.
GAH! Don’t they just suck the life force out of you?! And don’t get me started on the scientific God complex…
Here’s the thing: we love possibilities. We love the new. We love discovery. We love next levels. We thrive feeling into new potentials. In Slut Magic terms, that would look like:
Feeling into next level hotness.
Feeling into next level ease around body modification.
Feeling into next level self love.
Feeling into next level pleasure.
Feeling into next level perspective and expectation.
I happen to believe that your physical body is a canvas for your highest expression on every level. Whether that’s fashion, archetypal energy, physique goals. athletic feats, elevated wellbeing, radiance and magnetism… whatever! Your body is the transmitter for your expression and desires.
Your body is a physical extension of Divine Love, God. Why wouldn’t we be able to find out what’s possible when it comes to the desires related to our physicality when we are meant to explore and express?
The bottom line: let’s have some fun with this medium of expression.
2) Body modification is a lifelong process with no destination.
I repeat: THERE IS NO DESTINATION. Body modification IS inherently a black hole and it’s important that we learn to navigate this responsibly. There will always be more beauty, more vitality, more strength, more radiance, less bloating, clearer skin, less weight, more proficient makeup application, more less more less more less. The metrics don’t have any limits (this is why eating disorders are deadly).
You may think there is finality, but once you get there, the goal posts will move once again.
Every pimple, stray hair, ill-fitting clothing item, and season of life results in expansion of our bodily desires…
You have a baby and discover a new vision for your postpartum body.
Someone dies, the grief makes you lose a bunch of weight, resulting in your desire to look healthy and full again.
You haven’t been attentive to your relationship with food and aren’t feeling your best.
The luteal phase comes around and all of a sudden you “look horrible” despite feeling great yesterday!
It never ever, ever ends. And that’s the point!
Every day, all the time, your cells are dying and being reborn. Your body is always in a state of change. Once you accept the long game, you can chill the fuck out and enjoy the seasons of your body and the desires that emerge.
Just know that a stationary, “perfect body” is a mirage. 🏝️ And depending on your relationship to your body, that can either be a major source of pain, or a major source of pleasure.
The whole reason why I created Slut Magic was so body modification feels like an orgasmic art project instead of an endless torture chamber!
…and that’s the philosophy behind it.
EXPANDED:
In truth, all of our desires feel like a mirage, not because they aren't real or will never materialize, but because once we arrive, a new one emerges.
All our desires keep us moving along an endless path of more more more more more. Beauty and physique are no different.
Think about all the body builders who prepare to be “stage ready,” only to find themselves feeling like shit, desperate to experience pleasure and freedom around food once again. Now, we can have a whole conversation about the eating disorders that come out of bodybuilding, but that’s not the point of my bringing this up.
It’s the emergence of the next desire.
Was being stage ready the final “perfect body?” NO!
What about supermodels who’s livelihood depends on their physique and how they look? Their grooming regimen, the flawlessness of their skin, the whiteness of their teeth, the perfection of their posture.
They could be living in the height of their runway career, drop dead gorgeous, being featured on the cover of magazines. For all intents and purposes, this may be perceived as the final, “perfect body.” But is it? NO!
Why?
Because of the next set of desires! In the midst of peak career success, the next best experience with the physical body is clarified, identified, and desired.
This isn’t to say that the current success is taken for granted, but the awareness of an even better experience is always on its heels.
In the case of models, maybe the next level desire is to feel relaxed and free with food… Or having the ability to prioritize taste and pleasure over macros and calories. Maybe it’s wanting total freedom around fashion and expression through personal style. Maybe it’s feeling secure being seen in lounge clothes. Maybe it’s wanting to step out from under the metaphorical microscope and mentally relax around mirrors. Maybe it’s freedom from comparison. Who knows!
The point here is that our relationship to our physical body, appearance, and self perception can bleed into countless areas. And it never ends!
The more awareness you have around this, the more you will be able to relax in your current state. Remembering… the ride is long and your desires never end. Choosing to make friends with where you are now, and enjoying every step into the next iteration of self.
Let your franticness melt, you’re gonna be doing this awhile.
The sooner you learn to fall in love with the movement toward your next level of physical expression (cosmetic, athletic, or otherwise), the more fun all of this gets to be.
My wish for you is that you learn to get endless pleasure out of your physicality and never-ending desires.
MY BOOBS GREW 5 CUP SIZES WITHOUT SURGERY
MY ENTIRE BODY MODIFICATION JOURNEY
2017:
I think it’s about time I give you the full story… It all started in 2017, the photo on the left was my “normal” baseline body, before I was hit with a life altering mental health crisis. I won’t go into the full details of that here, but it wasn’t pretty. I had absolutely no desire or intention to lose weight when I took the photo on the left.
The photo on the right was after dropping nearly 30 pounds in under 2 months due to stress vomiting and loss of appetite. While I wasn’t blaming myself for what happened, there was a sense of having “lost” my body, and feeling unrecognizable.
2018 - 2019:
The following years I was primarily focused on regulating my nervous system, going to therapy each week, and getting back to feeling mentally well. Body modification wasn’t really a focus at this point, and I was still struggling to put on the weight that I lost.
2020:
I didn't have a very clear perception of what I looked like in 2020 and these are the most difficult photos to look at, personally. While I don’t look like I need to be hospitalized, this far from being a healthy baseline body weight.
2021:
This was the year that things really began to change. Mid way through the year, I fell back in love with cooking, started taking better care of myself, and October of 2021 was when I did my first round of APEX (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, click here).
MY JOE DISPENZA THEORY:
Even if you don’t personally like Joe Dispenza’s work, you have to admit there’s something remarkable about the spontaneous remissions, vanishing tumors, and people regaining their ability to walk over the course of a weekend. This really got me thinking about what was physically possible for the human body.
During the first round of APEX, I had a lot of free time, space to think, and I was really tired of looking like Skeletor. I was spending nearly 2 hours in meditation each day when the idea came to me: if you can shrink something like a tumor, surely you can grow parts of your body!
This was around the time that I really started to play with the idea of cosmetic energetic body modification. I desperately wanted my boobs back, only this time, I wanted them to be bigger and better than ever! I was not trying to “go back” (which is a mistake in my opinion), I was deliberately creating a new experience with my body.
Over the next few months, I spent a lot of time meditating, experimenting, playing with different processes I was developing, and finding what worked.
2022:
This was the year everything changed.
Toward the end of January 2022, I made the decision that I was going to get serious about body modification, and go all-in on the processes I developed. Within 5 months, my boobs had grown so much that my Instagram audience began speculating whether or not I had a breast augmentation.
Of course, there was a certain amount of breast growth to be expected since I did desire to return to my normal baseline weight. However, once my body came back to being its normal size… my boobs kept growing. In the photo on the right, I am nowhere near my heaviest, yet my boobs were the biggest they had ever been (at that time).
I even asked one of my former sexual partners to be completely honest with me and tell me if I had simply gained weight or if this truly isolated breast growth (he and I had an ongoing relationship for about 10 years, so if anyone knows my boobs at all different weights, it’s him!)
I shared the full story about our conversation last year on my podcast, listen here.
The photo on the right I’m wearing a 34F.
2023:
Okay, let’s talk measurements and what I’m doing now when it comes to body modification.
For reference, my band size has consistently been a 34. The biggest my boobs had ever been was a 34DD, but after the 2017 weight loss I hadn’t fully regained that volume…
In 2020, I wasn’t wearing many bras or measuring myself regularly, but I was about a 34D. It’s possible that at certain points in the year I could have gotten down to a C cup and didn’t know it.
In 2021, I hovered in the 34D range.
In 2022, I began rapidly outgrowing my bras around the summertime. By October I was measuring at 34F, and my goal for 2023 was to get to 34H by the end of the year.
By May 2023 I was measuring at 34H.
As of today, October 4th, I’m measuring at 34I.
Even writing that seems completely absurd, but it tracks when you realize that every inch of growth is a cup size. At this point in time, I have no intention of stopping… and yes, I do have a goal for 2024 but that’s a secret at the moment hehe.
My body modification style this year has been much different, I was much more relaxed and willing to ride the momentum of my own expectation a bit more. My growth this year has largely been a result of expectation more so than processes. I’ve had other body modification projects going on like growing my hair back (that’s a story for another time), and cleaning up some of my self criticism.
I fully intend on focusing more deliberately on breast growth this upcoming year - I will most definitely share the results (get on my newsletter if you want updates - just sign up at the bottom of this page).
This is the same red bra I was wearing in the previous “after” photo.
SLUT MAGIC:
In case you didn’t know, it’s currently Slut Magic season in my corner of the internet! It’s my hub for body modification, pleasure practices, NSFW tutorials, all that juicy stuff! The doors open seasonally - if you’re reading this after the doors are closed, just get on the waitlist!